Marina Galperina

05/01/09: The Prince of St. Petersburg, Miss CHE-arming and Trotsky Cookies

The Russian blogosphere conveniently, if bafflingly, revolves around LJ. Each week, RUSSIA! scans the chatter and brings you the top five topics.

• A bored blogger browsed some personal ads on the net and procured pure LiveJournal gold. Are you ready, ladies? Meet Igor of St. Petersburg. In the profile pictures you will find the red-faced, forty-year-old troll lounging around tacky, gilded rooms of his own. And what does this magnificent creature, heaping with capitalist opulence and unevenly distributed fat want most? "My kingdom keeps growing, but a deserving Cinderella is yet to be found." The pudgy prince is searching for a virginal 16-20 year-old girl with capacity for love and loyalty. "Over-dependent idiots whose discussions, advice, and questions no one wants here," "those who act like they're the last ass on the planet" and "people with non-traditional orientations" need not apply (says a guy wearing a large, woman's fur coat.) [Если хочешь выйти замуж за принца ;-)]

• Blogger mysea reports that anarchists have stolen Leo Trotsky's ashes from a cemetery in Mexico City and baked them into cookies. The cookies were then sent to journalists, Trotskian organizations and fellow anarchist groups world-wide along with a cynical, philosophical treatise on political re-carnation. Mmm... Trotscookies. A commenter replies: "Couldn't they eat our Lenin instead?" [Анархисты похитили прах Троцкого и сделали из него печенье]

• Maxim Mishenko, the fervent leader of the Young Russia nationalist party, blogs about his university's beauty pageant, Miss CHE-arming, because nothing says "freedom" like dozens of Russian college girls in army-print booty shorts. Behold, a large gallery of the event and all its glittering ladies, raising eyebrows and Comandante awareness across the land. [Свобода лучше чем несвобода.], [генералка]

• Blogger notrestore postulates on the origin of alcoholism in young girls - young men. She goes on to say that men force women into drinking by cheating, general heart breaking, and making them too nervous to phone while sober; by doing so, they delude minds and deflect girls from their proper matrimonial and childbearing destinies... and for that they deserve offspring with severe alchohol-related birth defects. And you thought there were no feminists in Russia! Bonus: blogger's large gallery of charming and sensitive anti-drinking posters like the one featuring a beer drinking pregnant girl in a bikini that reads something to the effect of: "I will drink hard, birth my country a retard!" [Почему девушки бухают??]

• Blogger tor85 brings us a story on the Special Purpose Police Squad in North-East Russia doing a training exercise for dealing with dangerous crowds of extremist demonstrators. Some of their fellow cadets are playing the "extremists," complete with "extremist" protest signs like "Rebuild the Village - Feed Russia!" and "Jail the Bankers!" Oh, and there's a guy in a dog bite suit. Looks like a party. Commenters suggest alternate protest signs ranging from "Pitchfork the Putin!" to "Two Times Two Is Four!" [Кто такие "экстремисты" и как единоросы собирмаются воевать с народом]


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